My Instant Message picture is now Flava Flav.

Most people don't comment.

I apologize of the lack of posting recently. I have been busy connecting innovation to product design. I have some important news based on today's turn of events.

I think that they know that I know

The Fritos guy is in on it. He tried to take me out at QFC with a kneeling half round house. Good thing I was too quick for him. He approached seemingly out of nowhere, but I am pretty sure he was staked out in the beverage aisle. He dropped down in front of the pork rinds on the end of the aisle. His right leg swung out in an attempt to take me down. I nonchalantly skip-stepped over his lethal leg thrust with cat-like grace and made it to the cool comfort of the egg corner.

I made it home safely and whipped up a Swiss, spinach and smoked salmon omelet. To have done otherwise would be letting them win.

*****I LIKE IT*****
*****I LOVE IT*****
*****I WANT SOME MORE OF IT*****

HOMEWORK: Please note the time and report the elapsed time between reading the above and the following:
a) You repeat that refrain in your head
b) You repeat that refrain out loud
c) Someone tells you to f&* off and die
d) You play a little air guitar in the bathroom

Thank you for participating.

******

While I have been the perpetrator more than once in my life, I was on the receiving end for the first time yesterday. I was a faced with direct oncoming traffic while proceeding down a one-way (in the right direction) street. I also saw a guy with mutton chops and shaggy hair walking down the street in the pouring rain carrying a guitar. I think Seattle is so much more Seattle than it used it to be.

They are digging up a little piece of sidewalk that is catty corner to Rite-Aid. This operation involves the back-hoe operator, 2 truck drivers, a guy sweeping and a Highway Flagger-guy. According to statistics that may exist, the occupation of Highway Flagger-guy is in the top 3 most dangerous occupations; right up there with Alaskan Crab fisherman and Mercury Taster. But what do you call a Highway Flagger-guy when they aren’t on a Highway? Is there such thing as Side-Street flagger-Guy? Do Highway Flagger-Guys start off as Cul-de-Sac Flagger-Guys? Are Cul-de-Sac Flagger-Guys included in the statistics?

There are little trash bins attached to some of the bus stop signs around here. They are cylindrical, about a foot in diameter and maybe 2 and a half feet deep. I saw some older lady rummaging through one. She was armpit deep in this thing. Unfortunately for us, she came up dry. Although she was wearing a face of disappointment and I am ignorant of her objectives, I reckon she was better off that way.

I just completed a week without eating cheese. I made the decision to avoid the miracle of moldy milk after having cheese for lunch two days in a row. I almost made it the whole week. I caved in with only 6 days and 16 and a half hours to go. Not bad.

We have a database thing at FLS that we use to store information on the contacts we make. There is calendar element that is designed to remind you to call people back, send emails, etc. It is called the Tickler; Activity Tickler Report officially. Yes, I like that name.

There are many new people in the company these days. Whenever I’m in a conference call with these new hires I like to say Tickler; a lot. My new thing is ‘Rockin’ Ticklah.’

I know, it’s pretty cool.

I also know that I would most likely quit any job where someone, regardless of their position, said “Rockin’ Ticklah” in the course of a meeting. Even once. I intend to see if that holds true for any of these people.

I have received some complaints about the blandness of the banner ads. Therefore, in an attempt to improve them I offer the following, please ignore:

Lucifer midget prozac, bondage ballet paint ball, underdog areola back flip, Velveeta skateboard sousaphone.

Welcome back.

How fragile the fabric of soceity.
I like writing checks at the grocery store. I imagine that if I were naked smoking a cigarette, I would receive fewer looks of horrified disbelief. Such jaw dropping shock and awe is induced by the mere production of a check book in the check out line. Evenings are ruined, meal plans squashed, long term aspirations and goals tossed aside in apathy, colors washed with whites; nothing matters now, this guy is actually writing a #($*&*ing check.

There is still, currently The Knife, next to Rite Aid. It appears as though the constant rain has washed the brownie offal from the blade, but I suspect that it has been purposely wiped clean of this evidence, further implicating the JCC.

I was inspired by a call with a client this morning, I am going to attempt to not answer a single question directly this week.

Q: "So, how do you think that call went this morining?"
A: "Well, I would put that same question to you, as that is really what matters."

Q: "So, what did you have for lunch today?"
A: "I am glad you asked, don't you feel that lunch is one of the three most important meals of the day?

Q: "Will you please just answer my question?"
A: "Gladly. Do you know how to spell the gerund form of the verb 'to tongue'?"